I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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