what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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