I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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