Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
as a side note pls kill me
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
