pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize