I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
