I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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