We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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