Did you just see the Batmobile???
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
