Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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