i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
