Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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