Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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