found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
