everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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