I hate all girls vehemently.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
