when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
