when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
