I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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