whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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