it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
