No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
