Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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