to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
