the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
this just has baby written all over it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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