I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
