return my video game
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
