I faked an abortion last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
