Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My cat gives me a boner
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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