my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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