$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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