apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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