I wish I could teleport
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
