The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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