I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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