There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The adults are the big ones right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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