Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
