Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
