So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
