I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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