about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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