His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
