I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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