drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
