loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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