i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
