Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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