yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
