My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
