He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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