I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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