I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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