yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
