hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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