May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
