I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my being single is dangerous.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
