This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
