That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
