ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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