i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
