I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize