Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
