hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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