angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
