Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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