so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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