I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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