This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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