dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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