If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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