Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
