I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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