WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
