I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize