I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
