She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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