I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
40s are totally the cure
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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