Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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