Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i was born a porn star she said
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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