How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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