you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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