Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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