When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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