I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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