I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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