Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
