Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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