i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
