When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Still dying that you shit outside
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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