Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
