I think my fart just growled at me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
send nudes
from the living room?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
