Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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