You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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