i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
