OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
