i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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