we have pet lesbian snakes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
