dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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