it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
