no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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