did you get engaged???
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
