Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
