You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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