I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
