dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
